Addicted To Love by A.K.

 
Every week we visit a youth detention center called Youth Services Center (YSC) and the psychiatric hospital (PIW) in DC to meet with around 10-20 girls at each facility, between the ages of 11 and 17.  We provide opportunities for the girls to share their frustrations of the day and their dreams for the future. We discuss a multitude of issues from the dangers involved in social media to the tricks pimps use to lure vulnerable girls from their families or group homes.  RM also allows the girls to express themselves through creative outlets by participating in a therapeutic art component following the discussion.

 I had always believed that most girls who are sex trafficked must be physically beaten into submission.  From working at RM and better educating myself on sex trafficking, I see that there is also a deeper, emotional enslavement and manipulation that comes first.  Rachel Loyd writes in her book “Girls Like Us” that an estimated one in four girls are victims of sexual assault or abuse before the age of eighteen.  Children who are victimized through sexual abuse often begin to develop deeply held beliefs that shape their sense of worth. They begin to believe that their worth is only in their sexuality. These thoughts then shape their ideas about the world and people around them and it becomes no surprise when children begin to act in accordance with these belief systems.

It may appear that young girls choose to stay with an abusive boyfriend or pimp who is exploiting them for money.  However the desire to be loved and have a family is so strong and overpowering in domestically trafficked girls that it doesn’t take long for their pimp to create that illusion. If you haven’t had proper love and care, then a substitute will feel like the real thing, because you’ve got nothing to compare it to.   Pimps act on the girl’s desire by creating a family-like structure of girls who are wives-in-law and led by a man they call Daddy.  Pimps provide a place in which the girls feel wanted and in gratitude they will do just about anything.

Rachel warns that,

“the greater the girls needs for attention and love, the easier it is for the pimp to recruit them.  The more unhealthy patterns they’ve learned, the less a pimp needs to break them down, and the less he needs to teach them because it all seems so familiar to the girl.  For girls who have grown up with an alcoholic or drug-addicted parent the stage is set for caretaking and codependency patterns that are helpful in making girls feel responsible for taking care of their pimp.  Violence in the home trains children to believe that abuse and aggression are normal expressions of love.  Abandonment and neglect can create all types of attachment disorders that can be used to keep girls from ever leaving their exploiters.  For girls who’ve had nonexistent, fractured, or downright abusive relationships with their fathers or father figures, it’s easy to draw them in. The desire to be wanted is so strong that some girls will put up with beatings just to get a little of that affection they so deeply crave.”  They are not addicted to drugs and alcohol but to love.

When I entered the juvenile detention center for the first time I felt intimidated and overwhelmed by the level of the security they had to lock up adolescents.  I tried to imagine what it would feel like for a 13 year-old girl who was just brought in by the police.  The guards escorted us down a long hallway, through several holding cells and finally to the girls unit or “pod” as they call it.  We entered one of the classrooms and soon the girls began to come in.  As it quieted down and we began our discussion, the girls shared what was on their minds; their frustrations, doubts, hopes, and fears. During the art activity we are able to just be girls together. We make bracelets, finger paint, and even sing and dance together. 

 Week after week I see more and more girls become interested in our discussions and activities.  I see girls begin to uncross their arms and pull their chairs closer to the table.  Cracks in their defensive walls become large enough to allow some of the girls to trust us as we build relationships and share our faith with one another.  Girls are beginning to allow themselves to be vulnerable in front of us and admit that they are scared, miss their families, and need help. They ask us to come to their court hearings, pray for their families and admit that they can’t make it on their own.

It is difficult not to feel anger and disgust as the girls begin to open up about the abuse and trauma they have suffered.  Monica* shared that she was recently reunited with her older sister who had disappeared 3 years ago after being sold as a sex slave to a gang by her boyfriend in exchange for drugs.  She told the group how her sister had been tied to a bed and beaten with a chain to the point that her face was so distorted that Monica* didn’t recognize her the first time she saw her. 

Laura* shared that more than anything she wanted her mother to love her but would have to go to a group home because her mother doesn’t want her and her aunt has been physically abusing her.  She told me that she felt so much pain that it was a relief when she would cut herself.  Cutting herself with a razor or whatever she can get her hands on, even the edge of the tube of her toothpaste, actually felt good compared to the feelings of abandonment and loneliness she felt when she thought about her mother or the future. 

Without relying on my faith in Jesus Christ it would be difficult not to get downhearted and see these girls only as victims, rather than as the survivors they truly are.  However, I know their burdens will become lighter if we carry them together. I find the most rewarding part is providing the girls with the opportunity to pray together and lift up their struggles, hopes, and fears to the Lord.  Laura has a long road ahead of her but when she left PIW to go into a group home she was expressing herself by writing songs and poetry rather than cutting herself.   There are no easy solutions but Restoration Ministry offers ultimate hope and healing through the love and mercy of Jesus Christ.  Christ reveals us to ourselves and through his love we can come to truly know who we are and for what we are created.

I have been reminded of the pearl and how it is formed – out of pain and irritation. A tiny piece of sand slips into an oyster’s shell and begins to rub against the soft tissue, causing irritation.  Its response is not to expel the irritant, but rather coat it with the same material that lines the mollusk’s shell.  Over time and after layer upon layer of this coating, the irritant is transformed into a beautiful, valuable, and unrepeatable pearl. 

Many of the girls we minister to at RM are seen by society as ugly, unwanted oyster shells lying on the beaches of life, beset with trials and problems too difficult and complex to tackle.  In Mathew 7:6 Jesus preaches about the pearl of great price being like the kingdom of God, and also warns us not to throw our pearls before swine and risk their being trampled underfoot.  Like the oyster, these girls have experienced many irritations and trials in their young lives.  They grieve innumerable losses and carry heavy emotional burdens, but through Restoration Ministry I have seen the hope and faith of many strengthened.  Just like the pearl, through all their turmoil and stress, the love of Christ begins to wrap itself around their pain and hurt and I see these girls as our Lord created them, unique and precious gems.